Sound Mind, Safer Sex

Sex is one of the most intimate acts we engage in. It makes us vulnerable to another person in a way that is unparalleled. There’s a lot of concern placed on physically safe sex in our culture, with campaigns to reduce the risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancies, but what about our psychological well-being? It’s important to make sure that your mind is as healthy as your body when it comes to sexuality.

Self-Esteem

Sometimes our identities are wrapped up in our sexual behavior and we feel that we have to act a certain way to receive acceptance or love, but the truth is we have complete power over our own self-image and can re-invent ourselves often if we want to. If you ever feel that you ‘owe’ someone sex, then it’s time to take a look at your self-esteem and realize that your opinion is the only one that matters when it comes to control over your own body.

Drugs & Alcohol

Drinking and using drugs can make you do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do, like getting up to sing a karaoke song when you’re usually too shy. While it’s fun to lower inhibitions, be careful with excessive use of drugs and alcohol, because it can severely alter your perceptions and make you believe that something is okay when it isn’t. If you wouldn’t sleep with someone sober, chances are it’s not such a great idea to sleep with them when you’re drunk out of your mind. If you feel that you’re drinking or drug use is getting out of hand, or is even mildly excessive for the lifestyle you want to be leading, seek help immediately. It’s a dangerous sexual health practice to be sleeping around without your full mental capacity. Don’t let one drunken night ruin the rest of your life. 

Evaluate your state of Mind

How do you feel about yourself? Are you happy with your friends and the people you surround yourself with? Are there influences in your life that you could do without? Are you being supported and loved? Are there issues or incidents in your past that you can’t talk about because it’s too painful? Do you feel that sex is a way to get attention, or revenge? If you’re feeling unsure about how to answer these questions, remember that life’s too short to let negative influences get in the way of our happiness. Take stock of yourself and write down all your concerns, plus the things in your life that you are truly happy about. You’ll see a shift in your self-perception as you gravitate toward becoming the person you truly want to be. You’re already on the road to self-improvement, which will strengthen all aspects of your life, including your sex life.

Make a Plan

Once you identify your state of mind and decide which areas need improving, seek help! It may be as simple as confiding in a friend, or cutting loose a person who creates a negative influence in your life. Or you may have more serious issues to work through for which you need professional help. Find a therapist or join a support group and start going regularly.

Dr. Ava Cadell, sex expert and founder of Loveology University reminds us of the importance of being ready for sex, whether that means becoming sexually active for the first time, or engaging with a new person. “Whether you’re married, in a relationship or dating, knowing when you are ready for sex is a personal decision and a choice that you should make because you want to have sex,” says Dr. Ava. She’s created a list of top ten signs that will help you decide if you’re ready to have sex:
 

You are ready to have sex when:

1. When you know the reason why you want to have sex
2. When you understand your body
3. When you can control your emotions
4. When you can talk about sex before having sex
5. When you can talk about your feelings before and after having sex
6. When you know the other person’s sexual history
7. When you have FDA approved condoms on hand
8. When you know you won’t have any regret after having sex
9. When you know the difference between love, intimacy and sex
10. When having sex is a joint consensual agreement between adults.

“Sex is a choice, which means that you can say, “NO”, “Not Now”, “Later” or “Yes”,  but when in doubt, do not have sex until you feel confident about the above 10 signs that you are ready, willing and able to have sex,” Dr. Ava concludes. Making an investment in your own psychological well-being is the best thing you can do for your sex life!