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S & M For Beginners
Anyone who enjoys doing a heavy cardio workout and a hundred crunches at the gym knows the benefit of a little pain with pleasure. Both release endorphins, and can intersect in our brains in the most titillating way.
But introducing pain into the bedroom can be a risky venture, depending on your partner.
S & M, sometimes referred to as BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism & masochism), takes many forms. Advanced toys like whips, chains and gag balls aren’t necessary for beginners. To start out slow, try a few moves that only require your body and your imagination. Here are some examples to get you started.
Biting
Let’s face it, millions of Twilight fans can’t be wrong – biting is sexy. There’s a reason vampires have so much erotic appeal - they aren’t satisfied with a simple kiss. They have an uncontrollable urge to bite down on human flesh. But undead creatures aside, it always adds a dangerous edge to kissing when you grab a little bit of her lower lip between your teeth, or nuzzle her neck then go in for an unexpected chomp. The element of surprise coupled with the adrenaline rush of a small amount of pain creates a sensual mood where anything could happen.
Spanking
The sizzling sting of flesh hitting flesh is an easy, prop-less way to create that minute amount of pain to go along with intense pleasure. During lovemaking, when you’re caressing his buttocks and coaxing him inside you, draw circles with your palm on his cheek and then give it a gentle smack. If he moans in a good way, do it again a little bit harder. Then let him try it on you. You might find you’re both a lot more open to the pleasure / pain principle than you thought. As you explore the joys of spanking, remember that the next steps down this path could include paddles or leather straps.
Hair Pulling
Within the safe confines of consensual sex, having your hair yanked gently from its roots can be an incredibly erotic sensation. Not only does it produce that tiny bit of pain to go with your pleasure, but it also adds an element of control or domination that drives women wild. Start by running your fingers through her hair, then dig your fingers deep in against her scalp and tug gently. You’ll find that you can control her head movements this way, which gives her the experience of being submissive. If she resists, back off. If she moans with pleasure, tug a little bit harder and couple it with a passionate kiss, deeper penetration, or gentle biting on the neck.
Pinning
For women, there’s something intensely sexy about a manly man who can pick her up and throw her around a little bit. I’m not saying she wants to feel like a rag doll, but when it comes to introducing ‘beginner’ S & M into your sexual routine, pinning is a great place to start. Take her wrists in one hand and pin them down over her head while you kiss her passionately. Or hold her legs apart with both hands while you gently kiss the insides of her thighs. She’ll experience an intensely erotic charge knowing that you’re in ‘control.’ It gives her permission to relax and enjoy the ride. The next step along the pinning path would be restraints such as silk-covered handcuffs, or just a scarf or a necktie to bind each other’s hands to the bedposts to gain ‘control.’
Consent
Even with ‘beginner’ S & M, consent is absolutely paramount. Both parties must be enjoying the play at all times, otherwise it’s not only not fun, but it’s dangerous. Be careful to approach these techniques with respect and thought for your partner, and if you progress to further exploration, find a ‘safe’ word that you both understand means ‘stop,’ so that you can renegotiate your play.
Dr. Ava Cadell says:
If you're bored with vanilla sex and want to add some excitement into your relationship where you can push boundaries, then a little S & M might be just what you're looking for. But, before you enter a whole new world of using pain as pleasure, communicate your desires to your partner to make sure that he/she is ready and willing to embark on this lifestyle, also known as "Power Play."
Prepare by learning the use of "Safe Words," techniques on spanking, restraining, domination and submission, all in the fun and erotic context of Power Play at: http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/ShortCourseDetails.aspx?CourseID=64