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Feeling stifled in a dying relationship? Happily married but looking for advice on how to spice things up? We've got lots of secrets to tell you. Get first hand advice on how to get excited about your same old partner, and read tips on how to know when to fold 'em and just become single again. Being in a partnership is a push-and-pull experience with lots of sacrifices along the way, so we all need a little bit of help sometimes to keep it fresh.
You’re an idiot.
Okay, name calling probably won’t help. But seriously, unless you and your wife are swingers (apologies if you are, in which case you don’t need to read on) then know that sleeping with your wife’s best friend is marriage suicide. I don’t care how much you think you have in common with this irresistible woman, or how much you think she returns your lust, there is no justification that your wife is going to buy to make this turn out well.
Don’t be a cliché
I know because I’ve been there. Not with my current wife, but with a girlfriend many years ago. I became infatuated with her friend, and I could not control myself. I propositioned the girl in question and lucky for me (or so I thought at the time) she was into it. We carried on screwing and cheating for about six weeks before it all came crashing down on my head over a pair of thong underwear (could I be more cliché?) that was inexplicably hiding in my boxer shorts.
My girlfriend left me, the friend left me soon after because she didn’t want to commit to a cheater (!) and I was left alone and disgusted with myself. I spent the next ten years single and terrified to get into another relationship, which as it turns out was probably for the best since it got the wild oats out of my system and led me to a place where commitment is effortless.
But this is about you, blinded by your boner for wifey’s best friend. Here’s what you should do:
Evaluate your marriage
I’m not talking about real estate and assets here, I’m talking about taking a long, hard look at what you’ve got with this woman that you once loved so much that you were willing to stand before both your families and declare your love. Ask your wife where the wedding photos are and take a trip down memory lane. It might give you reason to pause. Or it might give you reason to wonder why you’re still married to this person. Either way, the real work is here with your wife, not with her hot friend.
Don’t act on it
Instead, think about each excruciating detail of how it will play out when you have to tell your wife, or when she finds out in a horrible, humiliating way. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine the same thing being done to you.
Think of a dog chasing a squirrel where the owner has to yank on the leash to move the animal’s head away from the temptation. Yes, you are the dog in this scenario. Take a trip with your wife, or even a business trip – anything to stop the frequent visits with the hot friend that you so conveniently keep orchestrating. When it comes to shallow infatuation, distance can make the heart grow distant, which is exactly what you need.
Be selectively honest
Don’t admit to your wife that you want to sleep with her friend. That would be stupid. Instead, admit that you’re feeling physically restless and tell your wife that you two need to make intimacy and sex a priority again. She might surprise you with some new lingerie within hours. You may not be the only one wandering away from this marriage.
Talk to a friend
But not friends plural. Just pick one person you can trust to not ‘egg you on’ for spectator sport but who will honestly be on the right side – the side of preserving your otherwise successful relationship. If your relationship isn’t otherwise successful, then perhaps you have a lot more to worry about.
Sometimes lust can be so blinding that we truly forget the deeper relationship that we’ve grown so accustomed to. But the bottom line here is don’t be a selfish ass. Are you really going to be so hot for this other woman two years from now when you’ve wrecked your marriage and squandered the right to see your little girl’s field hockey games unless it happens to be a custody day? Grow up.